Why We Give Better Advice Than We Take 🧠 The Wisdom Trap Explained

Hi friend,

Why is it so easy to see the right path for others, but so hard to see it for ourselves?

I was pondering this today and two things came to mind.

First, there’s Solomon’s Paradox; a psychological phenomenon that explains why we are often wiser when advising others than when dealing with our own problems.

King Solomon was legendary for his wisdom, sought after for guidance and fair judgment. Yet, despite his profound insights, his personal life was riddled with poor decisions; political missteps, relationship turmoil, and a loss of focus on his own principles.

Modern research backs this up.

Studies by psychologist Igor Grossmann show that when people think about someone else’s problems, they tend to reason more logically, weigh options carefully, and detach emotionally. But when faced with their own dilemmas, the same people become overwhelmed by emotions, short-term concerns, and cognitive biases that cloud their judgment.

Why does this happen?

Because self-involvement makes us lose perspective.

• When advising others, we see things from a third-person view, allowing us to think critically and rationally.

• But when it's our own problem, we are too emotionally invested—worrying about consequences, potential regrets, or what others might think.

• This emotional attachment distorts our thinking, making it harder to make sound decisions.

How to Overcome Solomon’s Paradox

The good news? There are ways to outsmart this bias:

✅ Psychological Distancing – Step outside your own perspective. Imagine you’re advising a friend facing the same issue. What would you tell them?

✅ Writing It Out – Journaling or even writing a letter to yourself helps externalize your thoughts, making them clearer and easier to analyze objectively.

✅ Seeking Wise Counsel – A trusted mentor or friend can offer the outside perspective that you lack. Sometimes, simply verbalizing the problem to someone else helps untangle it.

We naturally have wisdom for others—but with intentional effort, we can start applying that same wisdom to our own lives.

But then there’s another issue…

Are We Minding Our Own Business?

While we struggle to untangle our own dilemmas, we often find ourselves deeply invested in the problems of others; offering advice, worrying about their choices, and sometimes even feeling responsible for fixing situations that aren’t ours to fix.

We step in with solutions, even when we haven’t solved our own challenges. We overthink how others should live their lives while avoiding tough decisions in our own. We give advice that we, ironically, fail to follow.

But here’s the hard truth: not every battle is ours to fight.

Sometimes, the best thing we can do is step back and ask:

➡️ Am I focusing on things within my control?
➡️ Is my energy better spent improving my own decisions and circumstances?
➡️ Am I offering guidance out of true care, or am I using someone else’s problem as a distraction from my own?

Minding our own business doesn’t mean ignoring others. It means recognizing when our involvement is helpful versus when it’s just misplaced energy.

Some problems require support. Others require space. And knowing the difference is its own kind of wisdom.

What do you think? 

Do you find it easier to solve other people’s problems than your own?

📌 Today’s Atomic Essay

💬 Your Turn

Have you ever caught yourself giving great advice but struggling to follow it yourself?

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Thanks for reading!

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